My Life in Words


University Student
Wannabe Otaku
Struggling Christian




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Sunday, December 26, 2004

All I want for Christmas is...

Song of the moment: Fence of Defence - 13 Gatsu no Shukumei (El Hazard : The Alternative World OP)

So, I guess its official...Melodie has outright rejected Melvin Lim Shu Wei's confession of undying love. Before writing this entry, I took the time to read both of their blogs for an idea of how I might comment about what has happened between them so far. Now, if you would read Melvin's blog (look to the left side of the blog for link...), me calling it a "confession of undying love" is really not an attempt at being corny (" will be the only girl i will think of everyday and night and no one else..."). True, it might sound a little corny but Melvin's feelings for her are undeniable. So, what I have to say to Melvin is this: Don't ever blame yourself for not making this relationship work and I am very sure you will find someone else. There will always be someone more deserving and appreciative of your feelings.

To Melodie (link of blog is just below Melvin's...): Now, I have never EVER thought of you as a bad person. PERIOD. Whatever happens between you and him is not my business but the fact that he's my best friend and to see him getting rejected like that is really unfair. The reason I say its unfair is because I really understand how he feels through personal experience (Ask any of my poly classmates if you want...). Also, if you just want to leave church because of a 'spiritual low' then go ahead. Just don't ever put your relationship with Melvin as one of the reasons for leaving. I doubt you are that shallow to leave just because of that...

Now...about me. As I have said in my previous entry, I seriously doubt that you would read this but since I only have the courage to express this in words (for now anyway)...
He told me what you two had talked about this evening. To be honest, I have absolutely no idea whether to take what he said at face value. But the fact that he's my best friend means I trust him.
It's probably true now that I think about it. I definitely should have made a move earlier to indicate that I was interested in you as more than a friend. To tell you the truth, I probably started liking you somewhere before your birthday this year (Please have it in your heart to forgive me for forgetting what date your birthday is... T_T) or perhaps even earlier. The reason why I didn't make a move was because I was still suffering from a rejection earlier in the year (If you're wondering, it's the personal experience I was referring to earlier) (To Her: Even if you consider it just an excuse, just hear me out...). For awhile, I just thought it was just rebound behavior and for a short period, it probably was. I don't think you would have went out with me at that time if you knew it was just rebound behaviour. But without a doubt, time changes everything. Somehow or rather, it just...developed into something real. Well, I still don't know how 'We' will turn out just yet...but if you would just give me one chance...

So I guess you all finally know what I really want for Christmas...

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Sometimes...I don't know anymore...

Song of the moment: Dashboard Confessionals - Vindicated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]
Vindicated by Dashboard Confessionals

I probably mentioned it here before but I am going to say it again because of the mood I am in now. Ever since the end of my 'O' levels, I've just lost all motivation, or rather, the driving force in my life. All I am doing is just drifting until I find my next 'motivation', then when it runs dry or stops, I just angst and angst until I find a new one. To be honest, I don't just 'drift' along and go with the flow. I know when to make my own decisions when I need to. I've always known that my relationship with God should always be my motivation but I guess I just went way off course somewhere along the way.

Still...sometimes...I don't know anymore...

I'll be frank with you okay, not as if you'll ever read this blog or anything but I guess I'll never be able to say it in front of you...I never had any 'ulterior motive' or anything like that when I started hanging out with you more. Sure, I probably started liking you at that time but I never ever thought that you would ever be my girlfriend. All I thought of was, "Let's start out as friends, then I'll see from there...". Then these past few days...I don't know, maybe I came on too strong, desperate or whatever...I would never ever want a repeat of what happened between me and Natalie again. Consider me selfish but I feel I don't deserve this sort of treatment, if you would call it. Whatever happens today or the next few weeks, whether there is an ending for us or not, know that I would only wish the best for you.

All I want for you is to be happy.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Unexpected fortune...a sign of things to come or something else...?

Song of the moment: Sambomaster - Seishun Kyousoukyoku (Naruto 5th OP song)

Yesterday, I unexpectedly acquired a digital camera and an extra $200 in my bank account as a sort of Christmas present from my parents. Although certainly no unpleasant, it was still quite a surprise and took awhile before it all sank in. The $200 will probably go into acquiring a new pair of shoes, Christmas presents and a PC game or two. The digicam will be shared among my family.

Might be going out tomorrow and on friday with a couple of my church friends and former schoolmates. Really looking forward to see YX after a long while. He will be going to join the men in blue at Thomson this coming March so I'll probably organize some kind of farewell party for him and everyone else I know going to serve our country in NS.

You know, I am starting to accept the fact that I may be interested in someone again. After all my previous so-called 'failed' attempts, I am really hoping that this will have a more positive result compared to the others.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Back from HK, a very tired man...

Song of the moment: Stefanie Sun - 我的爱(Wo De Ai)

Hi people! Back from HK with a lot of stuff, especially a certain foodstuff illegal in our clean and green country (clue: need lots of chewing...). Anyway, my shou huo has been pretty decent, especially compared to my previous trips overseas. Got quite a number of CDs from Shenzhen, since each music CD cost an average of SGD$5 there. Got most of the stuff my friends wanted except for Melvin. Not ONE sports shop in HK sold rugby products. Sorry about that...

Complete List of Items (for myself and friends):

3 Tee-shirts
2 Jeans
3 pairs of socks
10++ packs of Chewing gum
1 Blitz Gundam 1/100 scale model kit
1 Pen
4 Handphone straps of Naruto design
1 Windstruck VCD
1 Three...Extremes DVD
1 S.H.E Encore CD (bought in HK, price about the same as S'pore...sorry Shu Hui)
1 Stefanie Sun The Moment CD
1 Twins Evolution CD (What in the world possessed me to buy that?)
1 Aramis Life Eau De Toilette spray and Shower Gel

For Shu Hui: (Total Cost: SGD$15)
1 Fish Leong Wings of Love CD
1 Elva Beautiful Episode CD
1 Liu Ruo Ying Ting Shuo CD

For Daniel: (Total Cost: Nil)
1 CK One Eau De Toilette Mini Bottle

For Cariann: (Total Cost: SGD$8)
2 packs Lemon flavored Chewing gum
Choose one:
1 Babila Leather Wallet
1 D&G Leather Wallet

For Melvin: (Total Cost: Nil)
1 Wallet (whichever remaining)
1 Hugo Boss Eau De Toilette Spray Mini Bottle

I got lost (for 20 minutes anyway...) in a foreign country for the first time in my life, which was actually pretty cool in a weird sort of way. There was also this one ride called 'The Abyss' in Ocean Park which was absolutely heart-stopping! You'll have to ride it to understand. Overall, the trip was great, the brilliant Xu Liu Shan Deserts (Mango Shen Bing is absolutely heavenly...), cheap merchandise and amazing sights and sounds made it an overall brilliant experience. Although I probably won't go there again until I learn how to speak Cantonese properly. To see the pictures of my trip go to

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