My Life in Words


University Student
Wannabe Otaku
Struggling Christian




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Monday, May 23, 2005

Learn to let go of that you are afraid to lose...

Song of the moment: Rie Fu - I Wanna Go To A Place (Gundam SEED Destiny 3rd ED

I wanna go to a place where I can say
That I'm all right and I'm staying there with you
I wanna know if there could be anyway
That there's no fight, and I'm safe and sound with you

And every time I look, I thought you were there,
But it was just my imagination
I don't see it anymore cause I see thru you now
I Wanna Go To A Place by Rie Fu

Star Wars frevor has gripped the Movie world! Watched it last Friday with SJ, Jon, Kris and KT. It was pretty good overall, probably the best among the 1st three episodes of Star Wars. While the plot was pretty dark, with lots of betrayal and deaths, it wasn't as thought-provoking as the previous. Probably because we all know what will happen after this... At least now, we finally know how he turns to the Dark Side...("The boy you trained, gone he is, consumed by Darth Vader") (Movie Rating: 8.5/10)

Made a little progress on the project. I've included a login page into the program to allow it to differentiate between different users. I'll probably need a little help later on though...

Had lunch with CG on Sunday. CA disappeared off with 'a friend' (at least according to guess is that if it was really a friend, it would probably be Lai-shan) while we were at BK. Then after that, on the bus to Orchard, Daniel started asking me about whether my attempt at chasing that girl last Christmas was a success or not. I was under the impression that he already knew who it was and his question kind of surprised me. I always thought he knew more than he let off...but it might be just that he doesn't know the result yet (Really, if it was successful, I would probably let you know...eventually...).
Then we went to play pool at Mambo with what remained of the CG. With Jason displaying his prowess on the Pool table, the rest of us obviously had no chance. He's more or less about KK's level if you consider the margin at which I lost to him.

It's not so easy to Learn to let go of that you are afraid to lose. It's always easier to talk the talk than to walk the walk. I can't be like this any longer...
I really wished you gave me a chance to prove myself. Since it can't work out between us, I swear to myself that I will learn to get over you to the best of my ability.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Letting go can be the hardest thing to do...

Song of the moment: L'Arc~en~Ciel - Kasou

kurui zaita yoru ni nemurenu
tamashii no senritsu
yami ni ukabu hana
wa semete mono hanamuke

tadoritsuita owari
umarekawari no itami
nomikomareru tsuchi no naka de
musubareteitta yakusoku
shinda sekai

(On the night that blooms out of season
the melody of a restless soul
the flower floating in the darkness
my only parting gift.

It comes to an end at last
the pain of being reborn
in the earthen ground I swallow
the promise I'm bound to
a dead world)
Kasou by L'Arc~en~Ciel

Finally solved that stupid XY coordinates problem. Thanks to all those who tried to help me...

Was literally out of the house for most of the weekend. Met Keting and Jodi and later, Kris and Jon at Bugis on Saturday. KT and Jodi went to change their MP3 player at the TwinMOS office at Burlington Square. Jodi kind of frightened the receptionist there while she was complaining about the MP3 players (apparently, it was the 3rd time they were changing it...). Eventually they switched it with another model which was supposedly more stable. We also managed to trick Kris (who was meeting up with KT to get his iPod Shuffle back..), which was fun too ^_^ .

On Sunday, went back to HKMC for like the first time in one and a half months. Didn't really get the red carpet treatment I was expecting (;-P). To be honest, the only person who actually asked if I was coming back in the last two weeks was actually Auntie Lay Kim. Forgive me for saying this but I ALWAYS go for the personal touch. If there's a meeting, make the effort to call or SMS everyone involved. Don't rely on others to pass the message. Don't assume that everyone will get the message. NO ONE but ALK and Sin Eng actually asked about my experience in SKMC. Isn't anyone even remotely interested or have you just been reading my blog too much (well...if that's the case...)? Well, I kind of felt insulted. It's like no one really cares. All I really got from them was a "Oh...welcome back..." and that's it. Must I really stand in front of you and make you ask me how I have been for the past six weeks?
Maybe I am just too sensitive...

Moving on, I later met Jon, Kris and SJ at Orchard and (after much deliberation) we eventually went to help KT pass out fliers and checked out the new Limited Edition shop in Heeren. Later after dinner, we went to watch Kingdom of Heaven. Overall, it was a pretty decent show. While the plot may not be the most engaging, the development of the story and the action scenes were pretty good. The biggest twist of the night however, didn't come from the big screen. It came after the movie.
Guess who we met as we left the theatre...

Sorry if I am not the kind to pretend I didn't see anything. I believe there are certain things in life which you can't beat around the bush and this is one of them. I knew this was going to happen eventually and there are a few others I am sure that have considered at least the possibility of this happening. However, the real reason I am posting this up is because it inadvertendly's parallels with my own experiences right now. He had the courage to make that decision and I should too... Sometimes, the choice is tough and not everyone will like it...but in the end, you'll have to think about what's best for yourself. There are times when you already know the choice you are going to make but it's just whether you have the fortitude to follow up on your decision. Be it I choose SKMC or HKMC, I know I am going to disappoint someone. At the end of it all, there's no way everyone can be happy...

I myself know that Letting go can be the Hardest thing to do...I want to believe that I can make it happen, no matter how difficult the circumstances maybe...
But sometimes...only letting go can set you free...

Monday, May 09, 2005

Which is the Side with the greener grass?

Song of the moment: 五月天(Mayday) - 温柔(Wen Rou)

不知道 不明了 不想要 为什么 我的心
明明是想靠近 却孤单的黎明
不知道 不明了 不想要 为什么 我的心
那爱情的绮丽 总是在孤单里

(I don't know, don't understand, don't want, why, my heart
Obviously it wants intimacy, yet I'm lonely until dawn
I don't know, don't understand, don't want, why, my heart
That love's beauty is always all alone
I'll give you my best love again)
Wen Rou by Mayday

Ah...yes. The 40 Days of Purpose program is over. However, as we all know, growing to be like Christ is a process which will last a lifetime. In reality, even old dogs can learn new tricks, its just whether they want to or not.

Last Sunday (40 DOP Celebration Sunday), was really bordering on utter chaos...well, in the beginning anyway. Really enjoyed spraying the kids hair with spray hairdye(?). Then, Keith was late. Since he had all the stuff for the banner, we (Royston, Sebastian and myself) couldn't do anything but wait. Then Sebastian had to go for the banner briefing and Royston had to do the coin collection for the Building fund (I think?), leaving me (kinda like the extra...which in truth, I am, in a sense...) to wait for Keith. When he eventually came, it was Issac, Ronald (? Okay, I am still not sure with the names, sorry...)(both of them appearing out from nowhere), Keith and myself doing the banner. It was mainly a 'paste it all together' job which ended up okay in the end (Frankly, ours looked a little plain compared to the rest...). Then it was Issac, Ronald, Keith and myself (again...) sitting together during the service. The performance by the Kids/Youth (incld. my bro and Sebastian) was pretty good and the performers were quite enthusiastic. The catered lunch was pretty good but the best was the karaoke session was the best. Involved me wildly waving a paper plate, being dragged (okay...maybe I willingly went...) up to the front of the stage along with the rest of the youths and laughing and clapping all the way through the performance by SKMC's two Pastors. It was absolutely hilarious.

Back to the present. Not much progress on my project really. STILL stuck on the XY coordinates. If ANYONE, I mean ANYONE knows how to do it, PLEASE help.

In the Anime world, I've recently started watching Mahoraba ~Heartful Days~ on Pocky Revolution (same webbie as Nanaca Crash), albeit from Ep 7. Its pretty lame at times but its cute and funny. Also, started watching Eureka Seven. Apparently, another one of Bandai's money spinner's and its also a Mecha anime. However, I really like the kind of Neo-futuristic timeline and the Mecha action and storyline does seem pretty interesting. Do give it a look. (Note: Since its licensed, you won't find it in so you'll have to go to to get the download.)

You know, everyone has to make tough choices in his life. What may seem trivial to one person, may seem to be one of life's most difficult choices to another. I still don't know which Church I'll go to eventually. Be it SKMC or HKMC, I'll have to leave it in God's hands. What really makes it so difficult is really the relationships I have developed in both Churches. For now, I'll be going to HKMC this Sunday. However, I'll be Cell-outing with the SKMC people this Friday so don't expect me to turn up for HKMC cell. I guess, see you on Sunday...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Crossed one hurdle, but the race is long from over...

Song of the moment: Firehouse - Here For You

So you think that love is long overdue
Tired of looking for someone to care
Let me tell you now the choice is up to you
But you know I will always be there

I am here for you, always here for you
When you're needin' someone to hold you
Remember I told you
I am here for you
I am here for you
Here For You by Firehouse

Weariness...just got a minor alteration in my project requirements. Luckily it's nothing too major so not really affected there. However, I am still stuck at saving the XY coordinates into a text file using JAVA. Anyone who knows JAVA, please help. It'll be much appreciated.

Also got my results back today. It was a miracle once again as I passed my maths (hopefully the last time I'll be doing it, but when Uni beckons...sigh). No As this semester sadly, I am a little disappointed at that. 1 B, 2 C+, 2 C (because of the screwed up question on my OODP, it should have been 1 more B), 1 D(maths...obviously) and a pass for my Semestral Project. Really pathethic huh? At least I maintained my 2.4 GPA however I am aiming to get 3.0 by the time I graduate. So, I'll somehow have to ace my final year project (which currently is an impossible task), impress my employers during my attachment and try to get a B+ average at least for my P5 next semester. I know there'll be people who will compare me with some of my other peers (You know who you are... Note: The only people who has the RIGHT to compare me with others will be my parents) but please don't. This may sound like an excuse, but you all know that this wasn't my 1st choice (4th choice, but I expect you all to know by now thanks to my constant complaining ;-P). Unlike other people who are ACTUALLY studying what they are interested in, I am already putting in quite a lot of effort compared to some of the other students in this course. Yeah yeah, you all will say that I am not trying my best. To be honest, sometimes you feel that it's not worth your best (especially when the only degree in Singapore which provides direct entry to 2nd year with my diploma is Electrical and Electronic Engineering of NTU, a.k.a triple E. My gosh, more maths! Argh!!). Really, I am TRYING. So please stop comparing!

(PS: To be honest, I've kinda resigned myself to studying triple E after my NS. If I somehow get 3.5 for my GPA, I'll apply for Computer Science in NTU or whatever which I feel at that time would benefit AND interest me.)

Ah yes, played pool on Sunday with KK and Mel. Then CA and her friend joined us a little later and they opened another table. I actually beat KK that day, but probably because he lacked the practice in Tekong.

To put it simply, I don't see much change really. I wasn't ready, she probably wasn't either. I CANNOT honestly say that I've gotten over her yet (before you (yes, YOU) even THINK of saying anything about it, DON'T). It isn't as easy as Nat because it went a lot deeper. I was, is and probably will still be hurt when I get back. As one of my favorite author's wrote, "Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike". (Guess the book?)
Sure, then one would ask, "How then should one really react?". I don't know the answer to that question. It's really up to the individual to find out for his or herself. Because, in the end you have to remember that it works both ways. How would you feel if you were in that position?

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