My Life in Words


University Student
Wannabe Otaku
Struggling Christian




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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Thanks for the Memories...for the times I'll never forget...

Song of the moment: Engelbert Humperdinck - Last Waltz

But the love we had was goin' strong
Through the good and bad we'd get along
And then the flame of love died in your eye
My heart was broke in two when you said goodbye

I had the last waltz with you
Two lonely people together
I fell in love with you
The last waltz should last forever

It's all over now
Nothing left to say
Just my tears and the orchestra playing
Last Waltz by Engelbert Humperdinck

That should have been said has been said. From next week onwards, I'll be going to SKMC permanently. My mom is without a doubt, delighted at my decision to finally join them there. Others, like Blond for example, feels rather disappointed that I'll be moving over there. Then there are those, like Sin Eng, whom I feel expected it to happen sooner or later, so he wasn't as surprised or disappointed as Blond was.
Perhaps, one thing I should have done was to tell Shu Hui, Cari-ann, Joanne and Daniel (my 'clique' in HKMC) of my decision. Guess I couldn't develop the nerve to tell them...should anyone of you be reading this, Shu Hui the most likely suspect, I am very sorry for not telling you in person. I really hope you'll respect my decision in this matter and not pursue it any further. I know that I left the Church on bad and uneasy(?) terms with certain people. Hopefully, without my somewhat constant presence in HKMC, you'll all feel better (especially someone who's rather hypocritical there, how can you hate another fellow Christian and still go to church?).
Please do note, that while my mom's rather constant nagging about this matter was a factor, me going to SKMC was a totally personal decision. It is of my own free will and the reasons for it I have already explained to Blond and Sin Eng, which they have accepted gracefully. For the rest of you guys, I guess you'll find out sooner or later.

Added in a display user drawing function into the program. So that leaves velocity/time graph and grading of drawing. The two toughest parts of the entire project. Anyone knowledgeable in JAVA, please help.

Last Wednesday, I went to work as an usher at Engelbert Humperdinck's one night only concert at Singapore Expo. Sure the work was tough (Can you imagine what it feels like standing for about an hour++ ripping tabs of several thousand tickets and trying to direct the customers to the ushers in the hall at the same time?) but it was worth every minute of it. The atmosphere at the concert was amazing and the songs he sung, well, let's just say he definitely puts the capital 'C' in the word 'Classic'. Engelbert Humperdinck is really a singer in a class of his own and his songs were really moving. Besides, getting paid $20 and watching the concert for free is a definite plus point.

Had the TNT ('The Nanyang Times' for those of you who don't know...) orientation on Saturday. Mardina forgot to take the keys for the room (sigh...) and with her being in the NDP sign language classes, it was up to the sub-editor (or rather Vice-President) of TNT, namely myself of course, to take charge of things.
We had to settle with our orientation being out in the open 'court' on level 3 of the SDC (Student Development Center, where all the CCA rooms are...). Started slow (or rather, it was slow all the way through), but it was alright, thanks to the games which Hue Min organized. Then we finally took over the room being used by Community Service Club (CSC) for the sign language classes which I mentioned earlier after some haggling by SAO (Student Affairs Officer) Janette, who was incidentally in charge of both CSC and TNT (at least there are some advantages(?) to having the same SAO for two clubs). Mardina then took over proceedings by introducing the club and our various activities (mainly interviewing people, writing articles, photo-taking at school events etc...).
While we were having lunch break, the Sakuran Japanese Cultural Club who were also having their orientation, performed the dance for Love Revolution by Morning Musume for some disabled kids who were also having some event in the area (busy place it was that day, the SDC...). Me being a semi-rabid fan of Morning Musume, resisted the urge to shout out asking where was Maki Goto or Natsumi Abe. I thought their dance was pretty good, considering I was standing at the back looking at them from an angle where all I could see was a couple of backsides and their side profile (just being honest...).
Anyway, back to the topic, after a couple more games, assigning articles to a few of the newbies and some weird events (like me chasing out a stray cockroach from the room...), the orientation came to an end. I felt that some of the new members were kind of bored out by the end of the orientation but at least they got to know us and a few of the other newbies. The survival of the club will depend on this new generation...
Sadly, no chio xiao mei mei's(lol). Other than maybe...

Then I had a 'gay' outing today. Went out with part of the 'gang', namely SJ, Jon and myself, to watch 'A Lot Like Love'. SJ was complaining about how horribly 'gay' it was for three guys to go watch a romantic movie (well, it WAS kinda weird to have no female company...) and was saying how he would disassociate himself from us should he be spotted by any of his outside friends.
I did have one 'gay' outing before with Terrence when we went to watch 'Wo xiang jia ge you qian ren' (Marry a rich man) a couple of years back (it was a kinda 'urgh' experience for both of us and a little funny for me too...we were sitting at the 'inside' of the side seats when 2 girls, one rather chio, the other horizontally challenged, came to our row. The chio girl decide to move into the row first, meaning that she'll be sitting next to Terrence. I was like 'Darn it! I should have let Terrence go in first' while Terrence was grinning happily to me. Then suddenly, for some reason, she decided to change seats with her horizontally challenged friend. In the end, I was the one trying to control my laughter while Terrence was cursing his luck.).
Really, why is it alright for three girls to watch a romantic movie together while it's weird to have three guys in the same position? In the end, it's all about the impression that we would like to give other people. The macho-macho image perhaps, or maybe the Sensitive New Age Guy (SNAG) image? It's tough for us guys...
The movie was pretty good. It was rather romantic and funny while not being over cliche in its use of romantic settings. However, I was rather annoyed by their going through the years kind of thing, which although necessary, kind of interrupted the flow of the movie a bit. Overall, a 4 out of 5 stars from me.

To Hakka and all my Sunday School teachers, thank you for bringing me up in a christ-like manner. To 'our clique', may our friendship continue to stay strong. To CA, thank you for just being there. I was really glad to get to know someone like you. May we continue to be friends always.
Thanks for the Memories, HKMC, for the times I'll never forget...

Monday, June 20, 2005

Just a matter of Speaking...

Song of the moment: Flow - GO!!! (Naruto 4th OP)

How absolutely wonderful! Someone I know has asked me one of life's MOST IMPORTANT question. Now, all of you might be wondering, just what in the world is that QUESTION?? Ta-da! It's actually, "What's your (insert random expletive) Problem??" Now, of course there are a bunch of other questions asked of me in that particular post which of course, I may or may not answer later in my entry. However, I won't put those other questions here due to various reasons.

So Melodie, since you are wondering just What is my problem?, I'll gladly answer them for you.
1) I find it a problem that we can't have a decent, civilized conversation. Why? Well, I don't see why we can't talk to each other. It's not as if I am going to eat you up or anything, right?

2) I find it a problem when you insult a good friend of mine. You can call me anything you want, Loser, Trash, Stalker, Pervert or whatever...but don't you ever DARE drag Melvin into this. Throughout that entire episode, he's been an absolute gentleman. To my knowledge, I cannot see anything that he's done to you within the past 6 months which would make you call him disgusting.

3) I also find it a problem when you assume things about me. How well do you know me, really? In your own words, "watching me means you now approve?". Approve WHAT? Just to let you know, I never really did approve him wooing you if that's what you're talking about. It's just that as a friend, I'll try to support him in whatever he does, giving him advice etc... Till now, I never really gave my support to him on this. In fact just last Sunday, I actually told him it was a good thing that you two didn't hook up together...

4) Finally, I can't believe you're still hung up on that episode. It's been nearly a year already, please do move on and grow up... Melvin has gotten over you already, so even if you can't be friends with him, I'll appreciate it if you'll stop bad-mouthing him.

Still, I guess I should apologize to you about your old blog and everything. I am very sorry about making you feel uneasy and I promise that it'll never happen again. I also really appreciate it that you made it absolutely clear that we are NOT FRIENDS. Don't worry, I won't bother you needlessly again in future.


Back to less angry stuff, then. Added a timer system to my program and now, I am also able to record the timing when each point was drawn. Still have absolutely no idea how to do the Graph function. Anyone who can help in some way, no matter how small, please do. It will be very much appreciated.

Found out last Friday that I got selected (along with 9 others, including KT) for an interview by the National Computer Services HUB for my attachment. Interview is this Friday on he 24th of June at 0945Hrs in their office in AMK. Do wish me luck and pray that the pay will be decent.

Met up with YX and Joseph (last time I saw him would probably be when we collected the 'O' Level cert) on Saturday. YX's still in Police. According to him, while the living conditions there aren't on par with those at Tekong and the food is really Malay (eg: Laksa for breakfast, Nasi Briyani for Lunch or something like that....), the PT there is a lot less stressful than Tekong and he gets promoted straight to Corporal upon POP, unlike the Privates from Tekong. He's hoping not to end up in some lousy posting like the Airport Police. Coast Guard does seem pretty interesting though, can look forward to confrontations with the Malaysians...LOL. Wish him the best of luck when he POPs this coming July...
Joseph, being an Indonesian citizen, doesn't need to go for NS and he's now spending his time doing some Computing(?) course and he's got a driving license. Apparently he's driving his family's(?) BMW 3 series and does seem pretty annoyed with the Traffic Police here ("They fine me for killing the grass..."). He's leaving for the States this August 8th for further studies, RIGHT before National Day. Speaking of National Day, the Police Force will be doing the Guard of Honor this year and luckily for YX, he's not a Inspector-in-training, which means he doesn't need to be marching during the parade. He'll probably be on duty though, for Security and other stuff which happen during National Day.

After Church on Sunday, went to pre-order THE BOOK at SingPost. I definitely prefer free delivery straight to your doorstep rather than a 95% chance of winning in a lucky draw or some scratch and win card. There are some people who feel that THE BOOK is not good, that it manipulates kids into thinking that they have special powers. Please do not worry. I am NOT a kid neither am I easily manipulated (well, not by a book anyway...). As my mom says, as long as you know what you're reading and is able to differentiate fact from fiction, it's okay (well, something to that effect anyway). Certainly, the fact that I am Christian helps too. Staying close to God is essential, especially at our age.

Missed the chance to tell certain people about my decision. I'll try and find an opportunity this week, before this coming Sunday of course.

Sometimes, it's just a matter of Speaking...

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Coming round the Bend

Song of the moment: Lifehouse - Better Luck Next Time

Don't close your eyes, you need to see it all
It's no surprise that they break you down
Least they won't give you up

Stop tell me where you going
Maybe the one you love isn't there
You're going under
But you're over it all so you don't care about all that I had to see
I'd watch and wait until you'd come around, around...
Better Luck Next Time by Lifehouse

Just came back from KK Hospital. My brother apparently has some kind of stomach pains and the doctor suspects it might be appendicitis so they're keeping him under observation for the next 48 hours (Though of course, it might just be a case of muscle cramps or something like that...). Prayers will be much appreciated.

Didn't get to watch Hitchhiker's on Wednesday nor Mr and Mrs. Smith on Sunday. Twice in a row has Jon's movie outing plans be scuppered. Especially since I was really looking forward to watching both movies. I am sure I'll watch them somehow, legally or illegally.

Went to HKMC cell for the second time last Friday. Most of the people were there (incld. CA, Mel, and Jason), with the exception of Abby and Daniel. It was alright, nothing really went wrong, but there wasn't anything to shout about either. It was nice to hear that the rest of the class are still bringing new people to Church. However, I find it rather disturbing that the committee members in our Cell actually said that they feel they've achieved nothing (other than the Kelong trip...) throughout the year (Indeed, "I find this lack of faith disturbing" Guess what movie it comes from?). It really makes you think, if the people in power feel that they can't really do anything, what can we commoners achieve. Just two, three years ago, I felt that the Youth in Hakka were still quite active. Sadly, how the Mighty have fallen.

As you might have read in my previous post, I didn't go to HKMC for the past two weeks because I am helping out in one of the games for the SKMC Youth camp. I was playing the part of one of the suspects in their "Find the Murderer" game. It was really fun manipulating the people with your answers (I just answered based on the list of sample questions they gave me, everything else not on the list I just made it up for fun... ^_^). Kind of had would have been better had I not ended up in the wrong place initially (Sally's bro sent me to Rivervale Mall instead of Plaza) and the weather not been quite stifling (It didn't really help matters when it so happened that the suspects clothing were a black tee with cap).

Note: My brother has acquired a somewhat old but (according to Ming Yao, anyway...) brilliant game called Star Wars: Knights Of The Old Republic for his 11th Birthday. Any tips for a newbie? Since my bro is in hospital, I'll be the first one to play it. ^_^

Received an Email this morning from my mentor about the Bill Gates talk at Suntec next month. Apparently, we IT and engineering students are invited too. An actual legitimate reason to not go to school and we'll get to see one of the richest people in the world too. Anyone wants to come with me???

Final Year Project: Anyone know how to retrieve integers from a data file and use them as XY coordinates to from a drawing?? Help much appreciated!

I really would like to think that I've already made my decision. However, there are always things holding me back, making me second guess that decision. Hopefully the path I've chosen is the right one for me...

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

Show me my way...

Song of the moment: 五月天(Mayday) - 倔强(Jue Qiang)

当 我和世界不一样 那就让我不一样
坚持对我来说 就是以刚克刚
我 如果对自己不行 如果对自己说谎
即使别人原谅 我也不能原谅

最美的愿望 一定最疯狂
我就是我自己的神 在我活的地方

(Suppose that this world and I are different, then that makes us different
To me, holding fast means once unyielding, ever more unyielding
If I were to compromise my principles or lie to myself
Others might forgive me, but I’d never forgive myself

The most perfect wish has got to be the craziest
I am my own god at the place where I live)
Jue Qiang by Mayday

Went to play Pool during school hours (Oh yes, horror of horrors, I actually played truant...) with Jon, SJ, Eric and Eugene at AMK. You know, it's the school's fault really. It's crazy, 8.30 am to 6pm stuck in that fishbowl. I mean, one can only maintain concentration for so long in a computer lab with next to no stimuli. Besides, I am stuck on one part of my project and I am still trying to find the error which is causing the warning messages to pop up when I compile the program. If anyone knows what in the world is 'deprecated API', oh please, do give me a call.
Anyway, back to Pool. Really got totaled by Eric in my first game. Lost to him by four (balls) and I CAN tell he let me off easy or as us chinese say "Shou xia liu qing". He's quite a few ways better than KK. Didn't play against Eugene but I could tell he's around KK's level. Lost to Jon by two and I only beat SJ by one. Quite an off form day for me, unless of course it's them getting better or me getting worse (cringes...).

I didn't go SKMC last Sunday and I won't be coming this Sunday too. I've agreed to help out at their Youth Camp for one of the games (Black Mask Assassin Game(?) a.k.a Cluedo-like game). I will be playing the part of one of the suspects (Itchy Fingers or something like that). Really hope to enjoy myself there...

Honestly, SKMC is more or less just like HKMC but maybe with a lot more passion and a different culture. I promised an answer by the end of this month and I'll keep to it. I am not looking for anything. Neither am I trying to make an excuse to support either side nor am I trying to run away from things that are. All I am doing is just trying to make an informed decision on where I'll go from here, to see if moving to SKMC will benefit me (spiritually or otherwise) or not. To you all 'spectators', it may seem an easy decision but it isn't. There are many factors which you don't know about that can affect which way I'll go...

I was also rather surprised to find anime fans in SKMC (cue Sambomaster's Seishun Kyosoukyoku). You don't know that I know but I know that you do like anime!!! (Grins) An obvious clue will be that their Youth Camp poster features Fifth Hokage's second disciple and everyone's favourite 'Fuzzy Eyebrows'. At least if I really decide to go, there will be some kind of common ground.

Might be watching "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" tomorrow if time and opportunity permits. Wish me luck!

Well, where do you want me to go?

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

When fantasy seems so far away from reality...

Song of the moment: 五月天 (Mayday) - 孙悟空 (Sun Wu Kong)

齊天大聖是我 誰能奈何了我
但是我卻依然不小心 敗給了寂寞

如果要讓我活 讓我有希望的活(請給我快樂苦痛)
我從不怕愛錯 就怕沒愛過

如果能有一天 再一次重返光榮
記得找我 我的好朋友

(I am the great sage, no one can mess with me
But I was not careful and I've been defeated by loneliness

If I've got to live, let me live with hope (give me both joy and suffering)
I've never feared loving the wrong person, but I am afraid of never having loved at all

If one day you can return to seek glory once more
Remember to come find me, my good friend)
Sun Wu Kong by Mayday

Don't you sometimes wish that you can go to sleep and wake up to your fantasy world?

I have...

I am absolutely happy that this day is just about over. Had my week 6 presentation today. MJ went up to present first and I thought that he did quite well (well, looked like anyway, since I was watching from outside...). However, when he came out, he was complaining how Dr. Ching really 'shot' him left, right, center. It seems Dr. Ching really questioned the way he did his project, saying he was behind time and that he wasn't really interested in his presentation. When I went in, I didn't think it was that bad. Sure, he asked a couple of question about my project, and while I didn't blow him away with my answers, I thought I did an alright job. Surprisingly too, was that he didn't say that my project was behind time, considering that I am about on par with MJ. Maybe Dr. Ching kind of has a bad impression of MJ or something.

Saw Nat face to face for like the first time in weeks. She does seem to be doing alright, on the surface anyway. I know a little about the problems that they both have and while I am not really the one to comment having not been in a relationship myself, I really think you all should have a cool down period. It'll be better for both sides in the long run anyway...

On Sunday, Wan Mui brought us to Marchè for a lunch treat. I'll also take this opportunity to express my thanks to you. Let me give you a REALLY REALLY BIG THANK YOU for this treat! Had a bowl of Mushroom soup, Sirloin Steak, a can of Aloe Vera Juice and a Apple Strudel with Ice Cream dessert. Really enjoyed myself there.
Of course, everything has a sort of 'catch'. She wanted us to talk about what happened when we were away at SKMC and stuff like that. She started saying something like 'We shouldn't hop from Church to Church searching for something we want' or at least something to that meaning. I totally agree with her statement on this. However, I just feel that there are too many influences all around me that really affect the way I will eventually make my decision on whether to permanently move to SKMC or stay at HKMC. Why don't I just put you all together and let all of you argue over it? When you come to a decision then you can inform me.
I don't want to stay at Hakka just because of 'emotional attachment' neither do I want to move to SKMC just because of my parents. I know I shouldn't keep dragging but I really am at a loss of what to do next...

Tell me, is it just 'emotional attachment' or something more? What is it that you want from my future? I really need some guidance on this...please answer my prayers...

Sometimes, I wish it all didn't happen. I wish I didn't have to feel that way about you. I wish that everything was back to the way it was, before Christmas 2004. What can I do, when fantasy seems so far away from reality...?

...I wish I can wake up to my fantasy...

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