My Life in Words
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Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Sometimes...I don't know anymore...

Song of the moment: Dashboard Confessionals - Vindicated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away [3x]
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away [4x]
Vindicated by Dashboard Confessionals

I probably mentioned it here before but I am going to say it again because of the mood I am in now. Ever since the end of my 'O' levels, I've just lost all motivation, or rather, the driving force in my life. All I am doing is just drifting until I find my next 'motivation', then when it runs dry or stops, I just angst and angst until I find a new one. To be honest, I don't just 'drift' along and go with the flow. I know when to make my own decisions when I need to. I've always known that my relationship with God should always be my motivation but I guess I just went way off course somewhere along the way.

Still...sometimes...I don't know anymore...

I'll be frank with you okay, not as if you'll ever read this blog or anything but I guess I'll never be able to say it in front of you...I never had any 'ulterior motive' or anything like that when I started hanging out with you more. Sure, I probably started liking you at that time but I never ever thought that you would ever be my girlfriend. All I thought of was, "Let's start out as friends, then I'll see from there...". Then these past few days...I don't know, maybe I came on too strong, desperate or whatever...I would never ever want a repeat of what happened between me and Natalie again. Consider me selfish but I feel I don't deserve this sort of treatment, if you would call it. Whatever happens today or the next few weeks, whether there is an ending for us or not, know that I would only wish the best for you.

All I want for you is to be happy.

Designed and coded by CWYX.