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Wednesday, August 17, 2005


When hopes and dreams disappoint...


Song of the moment: 王力宏 (Wang Lee Hom) - 爱错 (Ai Cuo)

翻开回忆角落 完美的生活
以为幸福都可以掌握
仔细回味当初 那个故事背后
Oh 原来是我 犯下从没承认的错

我从来没想过 我会这样做
从来没爱过 所以爱错
我从哪里起飞 从哪里降落
多少不能原谅的错 却不能重来过

(Remembering the past, a perfect life
When I thought happiness was in my grasp
Carefully recollecting our story's end
Oh it was me who made a mistake I never admitted

I never thought that I would do that
Never having loved before, I loved you wrongly
No matter where I take off or where I land
This unforgivable mistake with no second chance)
Ai Cuo by Wang Lee Hom
I couldn't find a translation for this so I did it myself...Hope its accurate enough for those Wang Lee Hom fanatics...I actually bothered to put the lyrics was because this song really touched on how I've felt...

This isn't really the best of days for me...felt kind of gloomy the past few days...for reasons I won't reveal here. Well, at least not directly... Those who know me well enough should be able to guess (Keyword: SHOULD). If you can't guess, then maybe you don't know me well enough...LOL, just kidding. As most of you might know I am kind of a 'emo'(emotional) person so just bear with me as you read through this sometimes horribly angsty, sometimes excruciatingly joyful blog...

As per normal, I'll start off with an assessment of my current week of Industrial Attachment, which happens to be week 5. Last few days, we have been doing work given to us by Alex. It's basically HTML editing on a mass scale, thankfully shared among the group. It's still pretty easy, updating the screenshots with newer ones from the current version and playing around with various tags like mouse-over etc... However, we'll all be resuming our work as 'Paper Technologists' (Read previous entry for explanation) soon as our dear Men-in-Blue require 230++ copies of training materials and its up to us to save the day...sigh.
Something I forgot to mention last week is that I might have a chance to visit PCC (Stop thinking too much, you perverts...) otherwise known as Police Cantonment Complex where my good friend YX (is not/might/may/probably is/probably isn't - To YX, please choose the correct option) hanging out at! So if it happens that my boss requests us to go there to help with the CBT, then (look forward to/cringe at the thought of) hanging out with me!

Cell was as usual last Friday. Everyone came with the exception of Ming Kiat (I think...). I helped ta pao(takeaway) for me and my mom but was a little late thanks to Sengkang's (and Bus 86...) amazingly efficient bus route system. Nonetheless, she managed to have a decent, if not somewhat hurried meal. I also handed in an article about D'Anchor which I owe Sally (Oh, I sympathize with writers who work without any reward except persecution, LOL. But still because of this...). She also sat in for observation during my CG but that clearly didn't stop Sebastian from adding some life into CG.
I've also been assigned to do the Powerpoint slides for the next FFW (all are invited, every Saturday, 7PM in SKMC Room 3-1!!). All thanks to Deborah, who is 'retiring' due to 'O' levels and Jamie, who took this opportunity to indirectly recruit me into the Communication team(Basically, from what I've been told, the Publicity and IT people). This basically means I have to arrive early with the Music team to go through the slides etc... Thus, my weekend is reduced to Saturday mornings and Sunday late afternoon/evening. The things we sacrifice to serve God...I'll gladly give (just give me some R&R time, OK God? ^_^).

I am now up to Chapter 22 of HBP, 'After the Burial'. Harry, in order to get a crucial memory about Voldemort from Professor Slughorn, drinks a little of his precious bottle of Felix Felicis and decides to take 'fate' into his own hands...
Probably(haven't finished the chapter yet...) a crucial part in Character/Relationship development in HBP. Really REALLY looking forward to how it(Oh...you know...IT...) turns out.

I still haven't gave Melvin an answer about going back to HKMC this Sunday. I honestly thought I knew my answer at the beginning of this week but as the week went on, I started having second thoughts. One of the reasons(not the main one) I left HKMC was honestly because I was tired of waiting, waiting for an opportunity to prove myself. To be given an opportunity I thought I deserved. Now, I probably know that this opportunity will never be given to me. I fear that, if I go back I'll just keep hoping, waiting for the opportunity to come once again, all because I keep looking back.
I am disappointed in myself...
I've read MJ's blog recently and what he has said is right. Instead of looking back, hoping and dreaming about something which will never come, we should look back and learn from our mistakes. Learn from it and at the same time, look forward to the next person God will want you to meet... People(incld. myself) constantly blame God when things don't go according to plan, but have they ever thought that their plan is not God's plan? God has allowed our plan to fail so that his might succeed. No matter how disappointed we are of our failures, remember "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11, NIV)

When hopes and dreams serve no purpose but to disappoint
When fantasies and desires hold no ground in life
What then, can one do to live again?
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