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It's kind of like a mixture of emotions. A mix of fear, apprehension, excitement and joy... I went out with Melvin and KK last Friday. I was really hoping to watch a movie but due to it being a public holiday, the chances of getting a decent seat will be close to nil and not to mention how it'll damage our wallets temporarily. We ended up going for lunch at Lido then proceeded to Pool Junction for some 8 ball. All the while, throughout our outing, we were actually talking about Tekong et al. While I did gain some really useful information about army life, a kind of apprehensiveness kind of landed on me and I really started to actually dread the occasion. In fact it lasted all the way till Sunday and in a way manifested itself when Zhao Yong passed me his old army supplies for me to use. It really hit me right there and then. That I am less than a month away from entering a certain offshore island, where I'll spend four months preparing to serve my country before getting my vocation. Then I'll spend my remaining one and a half years serving my country in some way or another. Then this afternoon, after looking at the ARMY singlet that Zhao Yong gave me, my emotions took a 180 degree turn. I was actually looking forward to wearing it when the time comes, looking forward to finally start reading "The Rule Of Four" in camp, looking forward to army life in general. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of weird. And now...well, as I said, it's kind of a mixed feeling. I really have no idea how I'll feel come June 9th and 10th. Anyways, I'll be meeting Jia Zhi on Wednesday to go buy my 'army essentials' at North Bridge Road. Well, not that it has much connection to the current train of thought... Someone mentioned that I don't really take the initiative. Of course, considering where that comment came from, I of course took it very seriously. While I definitely shouldn't read too much into the statment, it still got me thinking. Should I take the initiative? While the heart is willing, everything else says no. I know all that's at stake and I don't think I'll ever forget(in the near future at any rate) what happened in December 2004. While I've obviously moved on(just to clear some doubters, if any), I've kept the lessons I learned then close to my heart. I've learned to be more sensitive of others and most importantly, to watch what I say (or SMS). As I've said many times before, I am not going to repeat this mistake again. Period.
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Monday, May 15, 2006

Feeling Random

Song of the moment: YUI - Life (Bleach 5th ED theme)

kodomo no koro ni modoru yori mo
ima wo umaku ikite mitai yo
kowagari wa umaretsuki

hi no ataru basho ni dete ryoute wo hirogete mita nara
ano sora koete yukeru kana?
nante omotta n' da
tobidatsu tame no tsubasa sore wa mada mienai
kantan ni ikanai kara ikite yukeru

(I want to try living in the present
rather than returning to my childhood
It's my nature to be a coward

If I go to a sunny spot and stretch my arms out,
I wonder if I can go beyond the sky
that's what I thought
The wings I use to fly away are still invisible
It's because it's not simple that I can go on living)
Life by YUI

Can't really express what I am feeling now...okay, maybe I can express it in words. It's kind of like a mixture of emotions. A mix of fear, apprehension, excitement and joy...

I went out with Melvin and KK last Friday. I was really hoping to watch a movie but due to it being a public holiday, the chances of getting a decent seat will be close to nil and not to mention how it'll damage our wallets temporarily. We ended up going for lunch at Lido then proceeded to Pool Junction for some 8 ball. All the while, throughout our outing, we were actually talking about Tekong et al. While I did gain some really useful information about army life, a kind of apprehensiveness kind of landed on me and I really started to actually dread the occasion. In fact it lasted all the way till Sunday and in a way manifested itself when Zhao Yong passed me his old army supplies for me to use. It really hit me right there and then. That I am less than a month away from entering a certain offshore island, where I'll spend four months preparing to serve my country before getting my vocation. Then I'll spend my remaining one and a half years serving my country in some way or another.

Then this afternoon, after looking at the ARMY singlet that Zhao Yong gave me, my emotions took a 180 degree turn. I was actually looking forward to wearing it when the time comes, looking forward to finally start reading "The Rule Of Four" in camp, looking forward to army life in general. Which, now that I think about it, is kind of weird. And now...well, as I said, it's kind of a mixed feeling. I really have no idea how I'll feel come June 9th and 10th.
Anyways, I'll be meeting Jia Zhi on Wednesday to go buy my 'army essentials' at North Bridge Road. Well, not that it has much connection to the current train of thought...

Someone mentioned that I don't really take the initiative. Of course, considering where that comment came from, I of course took it very seriously. While I definitely shouldn't read too much into the statment, it still got me thinking. Should I take the initiative? While the heart is willing, everything else says no. I know all that's at stake and I don't think I'll ever forget(in the near future at any rate) what happened in December 2004. While I've obviously moved on(just to clear some doubters, if any), I've kept the lessons I learned then close to my heart. I've learned to be more sensitive of others and most importantly, to watch what I say (or SMS). As I've said many times before, I am not going to repeat this mistake again.

Period.

Designed and coded by CWYX.